


I know now you’re my only hope

by manesalex



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Loves Michael Guerin, Communication, Fix-It of Sorts, Getting Back Together, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, POV Michael Guerin, past Michael Guerin/Maria DeLuca - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24728338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manesalex/pseuds/manesalex
Summary: Michael and Alex talk about things.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 3
Kudos: 140





	I know now you’re my only hope

“What did Gregory mean when he said he knows what I mean to you?” Michael asks as he walks onto Alex’s deck.

Alex is seated facing the entrance, notebook in hand. He pauses whatever he was writing, closing the notebook, using the pen as a bookmark, and he looks up at Michael. His face is closed off and the sight of it makes Michael’s heart ache. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.”

Alex sighs, scrubbing his hand through his dark hair, messing it up. And Michael just wants to get his hands in it. But he’s ruined his chance at that. “It’s not fair of you to ask that of me, Guerin. You’re with Maria. You made it perfectly clear that I’m not good for you, I’m not what you want, so you can’t just ask me to-”

“I didn’t say-” But he did. He remembers it clearly. Telling Alex that they weren’t good for each other. And how he wanted to be good for someone. He has been. He’s spent so long trying to be good for someone and it all felt like a lie. “I was wrong. And-” he swallows, scared to put this out there. “I’m not with Maria anymore.”

Alex stands, stepping backward, putting space between them that Michael desperately wishes he could close. But he knows he’s the one who really put it there. “You said that I was stupid for thinking people could be better. You said you loved it about me, but now you think it’s…” Alex sighs again. “It’s not like you were wrong about that. And, anyway, you’ve been clear. You’ve said over and over again that you don’t want me. That you don’t love me anymore. That I’m not good enough for-”

“Not good enough?” Michael blurts out. “I don’t know where you got that idea, Alex, but it’s not you who isn’t good enough! You’re not stupid for thinking people can be better. I- Fuck. Alex, even after everything your dad put you through, you’re still capable of love. Of kindness. Of mercy. You tried to save your dad and he… He doesn’t deserve it. I _wanted_ to see him die. I was looking forward to it. But you… After everything, you still love him.”

“I wish I could stop,” Alex says softly, looking down at the ground.

Michael steps closer, trying to get Alex to meet his eyes. “I don’t. I mean, maybe sometimes I do,” he admits softly. “It scares me. Because it makes me hope. That, if you can love him, you could still love me. Even though I’m not-” He thinks of the boy he had been with Alex. When they were young. That first time. How he lost that along the way. And how Alex didn’t want him anymore. Not like he is now. Full of rage and pain. “I’m not good enough for you to love.”

“I _do_ love you,” Alex’s voice is quiet, but it’s like the rest of the world falls silent around them and all Michael can hear is him. “That’s what Gregory meant about what you mean to me. I love you. You mean everything to me.” Alex pauses before saying, “And you are a good man.”

It takes Michael far too long to respond. He is still searching for words when Alex looks down, face sad.

“I know you don’t- You’ve made it perfectly clear we’re over,” Alex says softly. “That you don’t love me anymore. And that’s-” He takes a deep breath and Michael feels like his chest is cracking open. He feels like he’s watching Alex’s heart breaking. “I deserve that. I left.”

“Do you know what Flint said about why he took you?” Michael asks, hoping that the truth will help. That things can still be fixed between them. Alex shakes his head, so Michael tells him, “He knew that taking you was the best way to get me to do what he wanted. He knew I’d build a bomb that would kill my entire species if doing so would keep you safe.”

“You shouldn’t have-” Alex starts, completely missing the point Michael tried to make.

“Of course I was gonna do it, Alex!” he shouts, frustrated that Alex just can’t seem to hear what he’s trying to tell him. “You are more important to me than even Max and Isobel are. I’d give anything to keep you safe. Because I love you!”

Alex’s eyes meet his, fear warring with hope in their dark depths.

“I almost lost you, Alex. _Twice._ And I thought, if I moved on, if I dated someone else, maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much when you leave. But, _fuck_ , I… You know how I said that, if someone was going to destroy me, I’d want it to be you?”

Alex nods tentatively.

“Losing you? For good? I can’t do it, Alex. I don’t want to. I think it really would destroy me. I know it would. But, if-” Michael forces back tears, his voice breaking, “If I have to, I don’t want to have regrets. I love you. And I want to be with you, if you’ll give me another chance. I want to try to be good for _you_.”

Alex looks wary, uncertain. It’s terrifying, but Michael waits as patiently as he can for Alex to piece his thoughts together, for him to figure out what he wants to say, And finally, “I don’t know if I can handle it if we try and it- If you decide I’m not what you want anymore. I’m a mess and I get that I’m not exactly-”

“I’m a mess too, Alex,” Michael reassures him, stepping close enough to touch, tentatively reaching out and cupping Alex’s jaw, marveling at how even this little touch feels bigger, more real than anything he’s had with anyone else. “And you are the best person I’ve ever known. _You_ make me want to stay on this planet. _You_ made me dream about building a life here, letting this place be my home.”

Alex doesn’t pull away, but he doesn’t answer right away. Michael takes in every way his face changes, letting it dictate how much hope he has. When Alex’s brow furrows, his heart falls, when it relaxes, his heart soars. And, finally, “Can we… If we’re going to do this, I want to take it slow, okay? I can’t let us lose ourselves in sex, no matter how epic it is,” Alex smiles and that prompts Michael to grin. “I want us to get to know each other. To start over. Be friends. Maybe go on dates? I want us to build something _real_. Something that can last.”

Michael’s smile grows softer as he strokes Alex’s cheekbone with his thumb, “I’d like that.”

“Okay,” Alex gives him a hopeful smile and Michael barely fights back the urge to kiss him. It’s the most beautiful sight he’s seen in far too long. “Tomorrow night? Dinner at The Crashdown?”

“It’s a date.” He knows it won’t be easy, but he’s looking forward to putting in the work for Alex.


End file.
